One of the most frustrating positions for young women to be in is wondering whether or not a guy is into them.
Maybe you’ve been talking to a guy for a while now, and all of a sudden he’s giving you the cold shoulder. Or maybe you’ve actually been seeing a guy for a couple months, and you’re still not convinced he’s completely into you.
It can be such a difficult thought to digest, knowing that someone you thought was interested in you no longer is.
What happened? Was it something you did or said? Why is he no longer interested?
These are all questions that so many women (including myself) have had at some point in their life. So how can we as women know the difference between a guy that’s interested and a guy that’s not?
Well first, a book that has truly helped shape my perspective on understanding how men think is ‘He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys’. This book is an amazing collection of relatable stories, tips and tricks to help navigate the dating world, and understanding why and when a guy simply isn’t interested anymore.
And finally, below is a list of signs men (and women) often give when they’re no longer interested. Knowing when to walk away can save you so much heartache, trust me! Not only for yourself but for the other person as well.
You are always the one who has to initiate plans…
Do you ever feel like you’re always the one asking to get together, or make plans? If a guy isn’t asking to see you often, chances are he’s just not that interested. If he’s texting or calling you late at night, asking to get together, chances are he’s just not that interested. When a guy is interested he will pursue you and value your time, rather than just hitting you up late at night when it’s more convenient for him.
He cancels a lot…
Does he always seem too busy, or make excuses as to why you can see him? If a guy is truly interested in getting to know you he’ll make time to see you, regardless. Life does happen sometimes, and things do come up. But, listen to your gut as well. If this is something that is happening on a regular basis, chances are he’s just not that interested.
He doesn’t bring you around his friends or family…
This is a big one. Depending on the relationship, when a guy introduces you to his friends and family it shows that he’s proud of you. It shows that he values you enough to show you to his friends and/or family. This isn’t necessarily something that needs to happen right off the bat, but I would say if you’ve been pretty serious for six to eight months and you’ve not yet met anyone important in his life, chances are he’s just not that interested.
You hardly talk…
Does he just message you late at night, or when it’s most convenient for him? Or maybe he takes several hours to respond to each text? When a guy is interested in you, you’ll know. He won’t leave you second guessing about it. If he truly values you, he’ll make sure you know.
Your relationship is more physical than emotional…
Just because you’re sleeping with him, DOESN’T mean he’s interested in you. Trust me. Guys will often do whatever it takes to get what they want, which is sex, and girls will often do whatever it takes to get what they want, which is love. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that if you truly want a guy to chase and value you, DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM right away. If you do, he’ll slowly start to lose respect for you over time. Stand apart from all of those other women, and be a little hard to get. When you respect yourself and your body enough not to give it up right away, that is SOO attractive to guys!
He’s constantly messaging or talking to other women…
This can be a tricky one… Depending on how long you’ve been seeing each other, and whether or not the relationship is magnanimous, if a guy truly sees’s a future with you he won’t be entertaining other women. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for having friends of the opposite sex. But if he’s really interested in you he won’t be over at another woman’s house late at night, inappropriately messages other women, or constantly bringing up his female friends whenever you’re together. If he truly values you, he’ll have your best interest at heart and won’t put himself in a position to compromise that.
He’s not really curious about your life and how you’re doing…
Does he ask about your day, or is he curious about what’s going on in your life? Does he remember important details of conversations you’ve had? When a guy is invested in getting to know you, he’ll care about those details. He’ll ask about your day, events or projects you may be doing, or simply just see how you’re doing. If a guy only seems to talk about himself and his life, chances are he’s not that invested or interested.
He leaves you constantly wondering…
When a guy is interested in you, you’ll know. He won’t leave you wondering or second-guessing. If you have a doubt, go without (something my mum used to say to my sister and I growing up). He’ll make sure you know he’s interested.
He flakes out on you way too often…
This one is pretty similar to the one about him canceling often. Rather, this one is more about dependability. Does he flake out at the last minute, or cancel plans for no apparent reason? Men are usually on their best behavior in the beginning of the relationship, so any red flags you notice in the beginning will only grow and develop deeper over time. If a guy flakes out on you regularly, chances are he’s just not that invested or interested.
He doesn’t make you a priority….
This is one of my favorites and probably sums up all of the other points above. When you’re in a relationship with someone, it’s not much to ask for you and your relationship to be pretty close to the top of your partner’s priority list. Sure, there are times when work, school, health, or family stuff may come up and need to be at the forefront of their radar, but you deserve to feel important and valued as well. If they’re continually shutting you out, you deserve better.
Always remember you are beautiful and deserve to be loved, and respected. So never settle for anything less than a man that will give you that. As much as it can suck knowing a guy isn’t interested, it can also be a blessing and save you both from unnecessary heartache.
Something my mum had me do at a young age was to write down a list of every quality I wanted in a man/partner. Then after I had finished, she told me to first become everything on that list and then I’ll attract those type of qualities. As weird as it sounds, this couldn’t be truer! Try writing a list for yourself and see which of those qualities you already have and which you may need to become.
And finally, these are two of my FAVORITE relationship quotes. I have these both written on a piece of paper and placed where I can read them often. For me, it has been such a positive reminder.
“You deserve a relationship with someone who doesn’t make compete for their affection and never has you guessing where you stand with them.”
“Don’t entertain anything less than a man who is willing to respect you, invest in you, and honor you.”
Interested in reading more? Check out a similar post on ‘Are Your Relationships Harming Your Health’ to learn more! 😉
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